So I recently made the decision to drop out of school. It was a long, daunting process that involved a few sleepless nights. I think I knew for a while that I didn’t want to go back. I worried that my neck would suddenly start oozing halfway through the semester, or that my eyelids would get all wrinkly. Nonetheless, I thought I could handle it, seeing as my skin really wasn’t all that bad.
But my vanity got the best of me–I just couldn’t bear having to go to school with this face! That’s probably one of the worst things about TSW. I have absolutely no control over it. So many plans have been cancelled or outright ignored because on the day of, my skin just doesn’t deliver.
I feel so self-conscious, even with makeup (actually, I feel uglier with foundation because it doesn’t even mask the discolouration completely, and it makes the flakes more prominent!). I feel like my skin is all people look at while I’m talking to them. I know that’s not true (probably…), but I just can’t get myself to believe it.
It’s just so much easier to not go out at all when I’m feeling ugly. I don’t have to do my hair, or put on makeup. I don’t have to waste time finding an outfit that will cover my skin. I can look as ugly as I want, and I really will not care.
Unfortunately, I can only feel this comfortable in my skin at home. So I don’t go out. I don’t put any effort into putting myself out there, or actually living life. It’s pathetic, I know. The world is passing me by, but I’d rather stay in my pajamas all day and watch movies than greet it head on.
But like Dumbledore said, I have to face the choice between what is right, and what is easy. I’ve been in this rut for so long that I have to force myself to go out! It won’t be pleasant at first, but I think I’ll get the hang of it eventually. Hopefully. Ughhhh, how wonderful life will be when my skin is healed!
Mariella
Healing the Red 